Funny short jokes and sayings No.2

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I want patience - AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!


Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!


Would a wingless fly be called a walk?


Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon.

I had amnesia once - maybe twice.

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Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

I’m quitting facebook to face my books…

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.

You can't have everything... where would you put it?

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen

Step 1: Buy hamster. Step 2: Name it virginity. Step 3: Lose hamster. Close enough.

Irish Coffee is the perfect breakfast because it contains all four adult food groups: fat, sugar, caffeine and alcohol.

Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. Winston Churchill

Funy short jokes and sayings No.1

There are some funny short jokes, that I found on the internet. I really hope u will like them.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.


Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!


What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.


What does an atheist say when she's having an orgasm? "Darwin! Oh, Darwin!"


What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.


Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.


Why was the math textbook so sad? He had a lot of problems!


Viagra is like Disneyland; a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.

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My wife says I never listen, or something like that ...


If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?


A good life is like toilet paper ... Long and useful.


Always wear Stealth condoms ... they'll never see you coming.


Yo mama's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it.


I'm great in bed... I never fall out.


That is for begining. Stay tunned for more. You won't be dissapointed! 
Have a great day.

I can't stop talking

And it has to written on your shirt.